Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I came so hard my ears popped.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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