cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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