im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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