What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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