just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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