i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
