Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
