Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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