mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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