His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
