so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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