we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
