If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
MIDGETS
????
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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