you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
