If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
