even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
