that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
