I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
