I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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