highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
