I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
