Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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