My sheets look like a crime scene.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated