You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?