I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?