He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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