Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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