In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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