My hand turned me down
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize