I didn't shave. On purpose
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
