First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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