think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
