pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
