I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
