I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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