there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
