bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
