This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
