Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
