you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
