and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
