I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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