You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
