do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
