I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
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I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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