just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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