mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize