I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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