well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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