Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
