the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
