My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
