Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
