dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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