New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
