Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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