dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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