she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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