Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
