Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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