first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
