Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize