Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
