I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
