Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
