They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
