We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
