Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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